Beautiful Film

Mobile Phones

It seems that over fifty percent of the people reading this regularly or sometimes talk or text on their mobile phone whilst driving. Is this you?   IS THIS YOU?  It is not just your life you are putting at risk but mine too and that of my friends and your friends. I have many times seen what metal can do to a human body and I can assure you you wouldn't like it. I have cut them out of their cars as they screamed and sometimes they were silent.

 Never do it again.

Defeat

I don't know where defeat comes from but I do know that is doesn't appear at the moment you stop peddling, or indeed in the moments leading up to it. It is born hours or perhaps even days before and it is sly and elusive - it doesn't come with a shout and a jeer but rather with a mutter, a whisper - a soft goading voice barely audible for the noise of dreams and of living. By the time the group met for a ride this morning I was already uncomfortably aware and resentful that I wouldn't be able to make it; I'd rehearsed endless failure during the night; visualising other riders riding away from me, feeling the weight of leaden legs and bursting lungs  and worst of all, staring up the near vertical hills that I knew I couldn't climb; all this, long before the first birds had chorused the day. Where did it come from this spoiler and how did it gain such credence? I suppose I may never know but I would like to be able to deal with it or at least control and minimise its effects. I set off on a ride today with a body that could do what was asked and a mind that refused to ask, so I ended up cutting short a ride that I badly needed and 'bottling out'.

This thing has happened many times before to varying degrees, most notably on a climb out of Askrigg on the 'Firkin Challenge', it's an easy climb, and it is short but inexplicably my head has said NO twice now and it has become a bete noir. I guess everyone suffers from this phenomenon at times? FUCK IT!

Where to now?

Le Tour Yorkshire

Preparations for Le Tour are in full swing: we (The Club) met the other night for drinks and then on to the cathedral to hear Graeme Obree talk with passion about his life and career. Ripon of course, is woefully ignorant of the size and scope of what is bearing down upon them and the council's response to Le Tour so far has been to conceal a very small yellow bike on the 1st floor balcony of a very large town hall:

I have managed to work with them to at least get the bike on the outside of the balcony where it can be seen, but even that was an uphill struggle, with constant mutterings about planning permission and health and safety.  

Back at the gallery our response is a little less muted:

Back on the bike

Back on the bike again after a long, looong winter break and I'm dragging my arse round the Yorkshire countryside at a snail's pace……a snail with gout…….and a Port hangover.  Friends are kind, of course: 'Wait for Steady', but there is the ever present and uncomfortable feeling that the pack might turn at any moment and savage the weakest link.

 I've been out three or four times now including a stiff forty miles or so round the Litton area with 'Fat Lad At The Back' and some cycling journo's, and the first of this year's 'club' rides - thirty miles at just over 20mph where I skulked in the middle of the peloton and never took the front.

Today is the Easter holidays and we're off to Devon for a few days, so I'm shoving the bike in the back of the car so as not to fall even further behind in my training.

Here's me last year looking fit, if a little camp.

London 100

Well I made it round the London 100 course 5:45:01 - not a particularly good time, nor particularly bad either; I think I spent a good deal of time dawdling along looking at the scenery. Then of course there was the comic moment when I scattered a bundle of twenty pound notes over the Surrey countryside as I hurtled downhill in the midst of a charging peloton…..It took a good twenty minutes of frantic running and dodging to collect them up and regain the saddle.

It was, I have to say, a brilliant experience and the chance to ride on closed roads, a rare one: particularly this year as I didn't get in! London looked magnificent and the crowds were huge and very supportive (apart from the woman who leapt out in front of us shrieking 'GO HOME' and 'GET OFF OUR ROADS'…….made us laugh anyway.

The Glittering Prizes

I entered a competition on twitter where you had to send in a photo of yourself in London 100 kit. I had one on my desktop, sent it in and I've won a water bottle signed by the World & Olympic cycling champion, Laura Trott; but what on earth do I do with it? If I so much as breathe near it the signature comes off so I can't use it, and yet a signed, plastic water bottle on a shelf?

6 Days To London

Six days to the Prudential London - Surrey 100 and there are all kinds of conflicting weather reports for the day. As I type, the sky is bruised and thunder is rolling round the countryside looking for somewhere to relieve itself, so I'm hoping for an improvement. Every time I do a big ride the weather turns belligerent and it would make a nice change to gather a suntan.

Firkin Challenge 2013

TDF 2014

I painted the window of one of Ripon's boarded up shops and it garnered the attention of the press and our Tory MP, Julian Smith:

Claire, Neil, Rob, Julian Smith MP, Stuart, Al, Self

London 100

Preparing to set out on a training ride for the London, Surrey 100 with Alastair Little. 2 weeks to go.

Old Favourites

I spend a good deal of time trundling around the countryside searching out new and interesting routes to ride, sometimes neglecting the old favourites and forgetting why they are old favourites - it's easy to be seduced by the tougher, hilly routes and forget the benefits and beauty of a fast, flat-ish ride through the countryside to the east of home.  So after a break of several months I decided to do the 'Boroughbridge Route'. The first mile or so gets you out of Ripon and there is a flat straight of half a mile in length where you can judge the wind direction and decide (if you haven't done so already from the direction of the cathedral flag) whether it will be easy on the outward or homeward journey.

Once over the bypass the road heads out through Littlethorpe and immediately into quintessentially English countryside: small, hedged meadows, knots of woodland, grazing cattle & sheep and a chicken curious to find out what's on the other side causes a moment's swerving excitement. Today is one of the first really warm days of summer and the scents of the hedgerow, (covered now in Campion, Violets and Cow-parsley) rise to meet me, along with a significant hatch of flies - perhaps I should have gone fishing! Once onto the Knaresborough road I pass the farm with the sleepy red bull and gently rise out of the valley. The landscape opens like a book and as I approach the highest point on the ride panoramic views open eastward to the Hambleton hills and the White Horse.

By Bishop Monkton the legs have usually warmed up and it's time to turn on the gas; there's a bit of mild showing off as I zip past a busy pub garden and sweep through the village on the drops. Passing the old dairy farm, the lane is covered in cow shit…….Green and skiddy in the wet, rumble-strip hard today. And then the road turns Ypres - potholes the size of craters gape and maw and threaten to bounce bottles from cages or twang spokes like a piano at the breaker's yard but I'm wise to it and slalom through the battlefield, cross the little stream at Holbeck wood and rise into the sunshine and now I'm into time trial country.

The road from here to Roecliffe is smooth, flat and sinuous and my world narrows to existentialist self awareness: cadence, breathing, my own shadow and the sound of the bike. I watch my thighs hammering down on the pedals and the road flies past beneath me in a blur. Heart rate 165 (yep - I'm getting old), speed 26.4 mph, distance 8 mls (half way); it's beginning to hurt; keep pumping, ignore the pain, ignore the wind, concentrate. At Roecliffe I ease off, take the sharp left hander at the Crown Inn and once more the road gets tetchy and in the tree-dappled sunlight it's hard to avoid the holes. Up a couple of hills - they're not even hills dammit -  they're rises, but they are enough to chop my speed to about 16 mph and my average is being chomped away at.

Under the A1 and in to Boroughbridge and the driver in front thinks she can't get through a gap big enough for a gypsy wedding; there's no way past, my track standing is track lying down so I unclip and wait for Godot.

Back on it, over the Ure, avoid a 4x4 roundabout massacre (it's impossible to ride through Boroughbridge without at least one attempt on your life) and left through Langthorpe where the council have helpfully spray painted the potholes in order to make them more attractive when you fall down them - urban graffiti comes to the sticks.  Back under the A1 and up the god-awful little hillock to the skylark fields and the comforting smell of pigs. Full gas again to Skelton where an elderly couple in straw hats and deck chairs give me a cheery wave and I  hammer on. Another exciting moment of gravel on a tight right-hander and on to the Main road. Clear, out of the saddle and build speed down the hill and the glorious left hander onto Hewick Bridge. The river glints and shimmers in the sunshine - perhaps I should have gone fishing - and as I approach the race course, a cue of traffic stretches ahead of me (evening meeting) so I pull over and take a reading from my computer - Ave heart rate 157, Ave speed 20.1 mph - that's ok. the final mile is leisurely but the road is busy. The ominous sound of squealing air brakes assails me from behind and I'm engulfed in the shadow of a monster truck; when the road clears he pulls out to the other side of the road to overtake and I wave, he stays out until I see him in his mirror, I wave him in and he blasts his horns in salute………a cheering finish to a good ride.

Black Sheep Firkin Challenge, 2013

Simon, Beags, Al, Self, Deano, Mike.

In 2008 in an effort to raise money for for my charity, I set off to cycle from Darlington to Vienna. It was late May/early June and I'd imagined a fortnight of sunny days pootling through the English countryside, into Holland, Germany and finally down the Danube in to Austria, instead it hammered down for over a week, blew several gales, and brought down trees across my path.

Last year I was persuaded to do the Firkin challenge which as many of you will know is a hundred mile bike ride through the Yorkshire Dales to raise money for Wooden Spoon, again in May. It lashed down and the temperature dropped below freezing (the countryside was too bleak for trees).

As I write I'm sitting in a cottage in Devon where I've come to get in some cycle training for this year's Firkin Challenge. It's coming down stair rods and blowing a hoolie; the forecast for the day of the race is for the weather to deteriorate!

The morning of the 2013 Firkin Challenge dawns; I say 'dawns' though it doesn't actually get light, there is only a barely discernible lessening of the darkness and a snare-drum roll of rain batters the plants outside my bedroom window. I drag my charity-shop body out of bed, squash it into hideous lycra and await the arrival of my teammates and the van that will carry us and our bikes, food and equipment to the start. The team - Robabank Twostep - arrive and en route the road ahead turns milky with bouncing water and the windscreen wipers flail ineffectually against the deluge but we are in wry good spirits. On arrival at Black Sheep Brewery in Masham where the Firkin starts we have a briefing, receive our race numbers, then head outside again to prepare ourselves and our bikes for the 'fun' ahead.

8:55 a.m. - Start time, sees the starters huddled under an awning brandishing clipboards, an unfortunate photographer swathed in wax jacket and wellington boots and we few, we happy few, we band of brothers - Al our leader, Beags and Deano, Simon, Michael and Me, astride our trusty steeds, dripping like willows. And we're off. And there's a crash - three minutes in and Beags runs into the back of Deano and hits the deck, embarrassment wraps him in its reddening grip but from now to the ending of the world he can roll up his hose and say 'These scars did I receive upon the Firkin day.'

Trees wave us on our way, birdsong dopplers overhead and villages zip past in a blur of hiss and spray:  Watlass and Well, Hackfall and Hornby. Soon enough we are in Hauxwell and the first real climb of the day; the 'peloton' strings out and the world slows: sweat mingles with the rain dripping from my nose and running into my eyes, my riding glasses steam up and I can't see, my 'waterproof' gloves have lived up to their name and refuse to let any water out, lending my grip on the bars a cold, clammy, squelch, and my overwhelming sensation is of trying to force too much oxygen into my lamentably inadequate lungs whilst the downpour dampens the fire in my legs. At the top there's a regrouping and we all pretend not to be breathing through our ears, but the heaving chests and mouth open grins give the game away.

The road sweeps along the top of Barden Moor escarpment with Penhill to our left and roadside signs warn of the possibility of being run over by a tank or shot on the firing ranges (there was no mention of this at this morning's safety briefing). The road plunges into valleys and grinds back up again and after thirty miles or so we reach Reeth and our first checkpoint.  Standing in the rain we have our cards marked and more photographs taken though I don't remember smiling for the camera. From here it is a ten mile climb to Tan Hill Inn, the highest pub in the British Isles at 1,732 feet (528 m) above sea level and famous for Ted Moult's clumsiness with a feather. But we haven't got there yet: there's still the matter of the ten mile ascent. Of course there are some downhill bits too, but they are the kind of downs that snigger and mock the ups you've just done and taunt you for the ones you are about to do - every freewheeled downhill foot to be revisited in an 8 mph uphill slog.

A shout of 'mechanical!' from behind alerts us to the fact that Al, our team leader has a problem; we slow the pace further and await news………catastrophe…….the gravitational pull on Al's robust person has proven too strong for his lightweight Mavic wheels and a spoke has pinged. News and advice volley backwards and forwards but in the absence of a spare back wheel bad tidings inevitably trickle through - Al's abandoned.  Reluctantly we press on without him and the task in hand soon reasserts itself as our main concern - up and ever up. We overhaul others struggling towards the top. The rain eases. Someone has a puncture, we grind past more bikes. False summit after false summit and we're in the clouds.  Water pours across the road in a river, visibility decreases with our reserves of energy. Take a drink, pedal on, I can't feel my feet, will it never end? I take a look at my bike computer - 39.7 miles - not even half way! Up and up, to a cattle grid and then at last, through the mist, Tan Hill, our support crew and a few minutes respite.

I eat and drink at the roadside and change most of my clothing for dry stuff: warm socks - bliss! Soon the cold begins to gnaw at us and we must press on to keep it at bay.  From here the route plunges off the moor towards Kirkby Stephen; it is a fast, tricky and at times, technical descent, particularly with the amount of water on the road and we have to be careful not to overcook the corners; nonetheless we reach speeds well over 40 mph. Soon we're below the cloud-base and the Eden valley opens in front of us - Welcome to Cumbria!

It seems odd that as we pass through the market town of Kirkby Stephen, everyone is going about their daily business - life is normal, and yet we are in a kind of cocoon: shut off from normality, in a world of our own. But we soon come down to earth with a bump, or at least Deano does: he somehow contrives to run into my back wheel and ends up sprawled across the tarmac like a suddenly beached swimmer. There are some minor recriminations: 'You braked!' 'No I didn't; you weren't paying attention.' Deano bends his rear derailleur back into shape and we're off again to our next checkpoint at Nateby and we're just over half way. To everyone's surprise a land rover pulls up and Al jumps out complete with replacement bike which he has somehow managed to conjure up from home so team Robabank is back together again.

It's a long drag from Nateby to checkpoint 3 at Hawes through the wild country of Mallerstang, but there is a sense of moving towards home territory and the big climbs are behind us. Hawes welcomes us with trays of delicious Fat Rascals and on top of them I shovel in a load of carbs in pasta form to fuel the final thirty odd miles.

Once out of Hawes we form a train behind Al who is fresh as a spring lamb and we put the hammer down - the villages of Wensleydale fly by and there are some moments of pure joy as the peloton swings out to the white line and swoops through the apex of corners at high speed like Spitfires coming off the top of a roll or Swallows in pursuit of hatching Mayfly. Askrigg, Newbiggin, Carperby. Bolton Castle towers above us and we hare by, the fields are impossibly green, like emeralds and then we hit Redmire and down to the outskirts of Wensley where we join the main road and pull into Wensleydale Rugby Club and our final checkpoint. We sign in, grab a quick drink and some chocolate cake which appears from nowhere and we're soon off on the final leg. 

The last few miles, familiar to us from our training rides, seem endless and our legs are tired. We are determined to keep the group together so we can finish as a team but it means waiting, when all we really want to do is get off these damned bikes, but eventually we roll into Masham and up the final hill to the finish and forming a line, we all ride over together and cheers fill our ears and cameras flash and we do indeed get off these damned bikes!

Later we drink beer and wallow in the warm glow of success and we talk over the day and was it worth it? Oh yes!